it hurts sometimes

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I’m writing this at work. While I’m surrounded by piles of papers, binders, documents, etc. to examine, I’m also chatting with my long-time bestfriend, Sarah.

She’s getting married early next year. And it sucks coz I’m not sure if I could attend. There’s a great chance that I won’t though, coz of my job and coz I don’t have an Australian visa as well. I just feel sad that I can’t make it to the entourage and see my bestfriend get married. I’ve known her all my life. I’ve seen everything that happened to her (FYI, we’ve know each other for 18 years now) but I can’t even be there to witness the happiest day of her life?! Gee. I feel bad that as a bestfriend, I won’t be able to fulfill my “duty” to walk on the aisle, with the rest of the important people in her life, on her wedding. It really sucks and I really really feel bad.

I remember my college bestfriend’s wedding 3 years ago. I was supposed to be her Maid of Honor but I had to decline coz my religion did not permit me to be part of the entourage if the wedding is in a different religion than ours. But atleast I get to be there to attend and witness the occassion still. But this time, geee, I really doubt if I can make it.

The important people in my life are getting married. And I know for a fact that my sister would be next. I know, I know, I’ve asked this a million times….but when will it be me?

share of bad luck…

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My laptop got infected by a virus! I had to go back to our office and have it checked by our IT consultant. He spent almost the whole day fixing it. And yes, he did restore it…meaning I lost all the applications that I downloaded. :(

And while he was doing that, I got a parking violation ticket for parking at the side street near our office. Its ok to park there though, it just so happened to be a Wednesday and its street cleaning day! Geee, there goes my $58. :(

And I’m broke…I have like $30 left in my bank account. Isn’t it payday yet? I really really need a second job. Seriously.

Sigh. I’m hoping for a better day tomorrow. :)

its starting to feel like “home” now :)

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A glimpse of my apartment. I’m still in the process of making it more “homey” :) 

its so nice to be back where I belong :)

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Geeee. It’s been ages since I wrote something here. I have valid reasons though. First, I don’t have internet at home. Well, that’s valid enough, eh? And second, I really don’t have the time.

In a few more days, I’ll be reaching my first month here in LA. My first month too with my current job. Yay! It seems like I’ve been here for a long time now. Thanks to ol’ friends, adjusting to the SoCal environment became a lot easier.

Work. Work. Work. Dang, I spend 10 hours everyday day, in the past 3 weeks, working. I was fortunate to be part of the biggest audit client of our firm. And I can say that audit here is pretty much the same with my experience in the Philippines. Atleast, for now. Coz the employees in my current client are mostly Pinoy and yes, I take it to my advantage.

After work, I hang out with my college friends and watch movies, go to the mall, etc. with them. Sometimes we just stay in one of their houses and pig out (ehem! I cook!) and every night, I go to the gym with my neighbor-slash-soon to be bride-slash-bff (haha!), Julie. I’m really happy that I decided to move here in LA.

Though of course, we can’t have it all. Though my career is flourishing and my social life is ok, my lovelife is below zero. Negative. Ken and I don’t talk anymore. We haven’t seen each other for a while and I guess that speaks for it now. Distance was never the reason why we broke up. Coz I’m already here, only a few miles away from him (compared to almost 400 miles before) but still I feel so far from him. Even farther. :(

Sigh. Life must go on. And I am no exception. I’m just glad that God answered my prayer to have a good job and be near my friends. Though I feel sad still to be away from my loved ones but I believe that one day, God will bring us all closer to each other again.

And oh yeah, I drive much better now. Thanks to the LA traffic :)

my life changed in an instant..

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Howdy! Been away from the cyberworld for a while. Alot of things happened to me lately. I can say that my I am living a new life now…far from my lonely and unsure life a few weeks back (remember my quarter-life crisis blog?). Life is indeed full of surprises..and believe me, God really do answer prayers.

Tuesday of last week, I got a call from the CPA firm that interviewed me on my one-day LA trip last March 19. They offered me the position of a Staff Auditor and asked me if I could report to them in a week. Knowing that I was their first choice and that if ever I couldn’t make it in a week, someone is willing to accept the position & start right away, I accepted the offer and tendered my resignation on my current job the day after.

One week. That’s all the time I have left to pack my stuffs, look for an apartment, look for the nearest church, train the person who’s gonna take over my job, move my stuffs, pass my driving test and fly to LA to make it on my first day. All of those I had to accomplish in one week. And the fact that I am still breathing and in front of my laptop typing this blog entry, is enough proof that I managed to survive all those!

I am currently staying in a hotel in downtown LA coz my move-in date to my apartment is not ’til tomorrow, Saturday. I enjoyed my first two days at work and is grateful to be part of an awesome audit team. I started with my client this morning. And my, I can say that I am having a wonderful time!

I am happy that all the hardwork, monetary expenses and emotional breakdowns are starting to pay off. I remember having to pay for air fares just to make it to my interviews, sending resumes not only via email but by postage and of course, having to waste hours in doing a job that doesn’t credit to attain my CPA license. I remember how bad I felt when Ken broke up with me on new year’s eve and how ungrateful I was when I got reject letters from the CPA firms that I applied for. But I feel so blessed right now and that eventhough I had to go through all those crap, I can say that it was all worth it.

I am now living in Los Angeles on my own. Not only am I Miss Independent now, moreso, I am doing a job that I hoped, prayed and wished for. Yay! I could just taste how sweet my life has become.

25/100

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I want a new & challenging job that I would enjoy doing, a stable romantic relationship, be with ol’ friends & have fun and start a life on my own. I’m turning 25 really soon and NONE of those are happening to me. Not even one. Zero. Even negative.

Per WIKIPEDIA, Characteristics of quarter-life crisis may include:

  • feeling “not good enough” because one can’t find a job that is at one’s academic/intellectual level
  • frustration with relationships, the working world, and finding a suitable job or career
  • confusion of identity
  • insecurity regarding the near future
  • insecurity concerning long-term plans, life goals
  • insecurity regarding present accomplishments
  • re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships
  • disappointment with one’s job
  • nostalgia for university, college, high school or elementary school life
  • tendency to hold stronger opinions
  • boredom with social interactions
  • loss of closeness to high school and college friends
  • financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unanticipatedly high cost of living, etc.)
  • loneliness
  • desire to have children
  • a sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than you

Yes, yes, yes. I am suffering Quarter Life Crisis FOR SURE.

my 12-hour stay at LA :)

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I had a scheduled interview at a CPA firm in downtown Los Angeles, CA last Thursday, March 19. I had to fly in and out the same day coz my boss allowed me to only have a 1 day off. I flew to Burbank (Bob Hope Airport), with my suit, skirt, stockings and heels at 6:50 am and arrived there at about 8am. I took a cab to downtown LA to make it to my 10:30am interview appointment.

I arrived early (about 9-ish) and thought of relaxing for a while. I toured and walked around the building and ate breakfast at this Korean Cafe located at the ground level of 3600 Wilshire Boulevard. And before my scheduled time, I went up to the 17th floor to meet my prospective employer.

I was welcomed by a kind receptionist who initiated the interview by asking me about the necessary documents that I needed to submit. She also had me take a short quiz about Internal Control, which I believe was quite easy (hehe!). And after that, I had a face-to-face interview with the HR Director.

I can say that it was a smooth interview. Though not until I get a job offer from them or another call atleast would I know how I did on the interview. He introduced me to the Managing Partner and toured me around the office too. The office is kinda small and a bit messy still coz they just moved. Well, most of the professionals are on the field so no wonder they never had the time to clean up. So, after having the tour, I left the building with the hope that I get the job offer really soon.

I texted Ken that I just finished with my interview. I was about to walk and look for a restaurant when he called me and invited me to have lunch with him. My, I did get ecstatic when he called me. So I hurriedly took the train nearby and after 4 short stops, I met up with Ken at Pershing Square Metro Station. After 2 months of not seeing each other, I was really really happy to be in his arms again! We talked like how we were before and deep in my heart, I can feel that the feeling is still mutual. I just know it.

We spent an hour chatting and just catching up on things. He had to go back to work so I decided to meet up with my friends, who also work nearby and have merienda with them. Ken walked me to the train station, and as the train was coming, I hugged him goodbye and hoped that I’ll see him again really soon.

I met up with my college friends, Julie and Jay at 3325 Wilshire Blvd. My feet were already cursing me coz yes, I was still in my high heels. It was a perfect weather in LA but my suit, skirt, stockings and ehem, heels, didn’t match the sun at all. Good thing I brought an extra blouse but bad thing is, I forgot to bring flat shoes. I could barely walk to the nearby McDonald’s where Julie and Jay decided to eat. Upon getting there, I hurriedly went to the restroom to take off my suit and stockings and change clothes.

After meeting up with Julie and Jay, I took the train going to 7th Street/Metro Center. My feet were really getting sore that I could barely stand. But I had no choice, I have to get to Macy’s in downtown LA where I could buy flat shoes. When I got to Macy’s, I didn’t mind the price of the shoes, I just had to buy a pair by all means, the soonest possible time. But the more that I’m seeing $79s and $89s for a pair of flats, I just couldn’t decide if its really worth it. A nice saleslady was staring at me and talking to another lady when I caught her eye and she went near me. She just mentioned that she was just telling the other lady how nicely dressed I was. She complemented my blouse and skirt and got excited when she saw that my heels looked exactly the same as the one that they had in store. I told her that I got mine at Target (Mossimo brand) and it was relatively cheaper than theirs. She helped me buy a pair of shoes and finally, I decided to get a $50 worth of Naturalizer leather flats. The price wasn’t much of a relief, but how can I complain if my feet were feeling much better.

After shopping, I still had about 3 more hours to kill before meeting up with my Manabat friends, Jezz and Aris. I decided to drink coffee and read Eclipse while waiting for the time. Good thing I bought a book with me, I just knew that it’ll be of handy. I decided to spend the whole 3 hours there but my cellphone was running out of charge and all of the outlets in Coffee Bean were being used. I had to go back to Macy’s and look for an outlet where I could sit and relax at the same time. I was walking around and around when I finally saw an outlet in one of the benches where I found a new friend.

I sat down and smiled at her when I noticed that she was staring at me the whole time. She asked, “Pinay ka ba?” and told me that she saw me walking around in circles for like two times. I told her that I was looking for an outlet and was just waiting for my friends. I asked if she was waiting for someone coz I noticed that she just finished shopping at Macy’s. She said that she was just resting and would be heading home in a while. The conversation started there. We talked about life in California in general as compared to Manila. Usual conversations like how we got in the US to family background and exchanging POVs lead us to talk for about 1 1/2 hours. I didn’t notice how time went by so fast, not until I got a call from Aris and Jezz that they were already on their way to meet me. I walked her to the bus stop and kissed my new friend goodbye. Her name is Aling Ara De Guzman and she is 68 years old. FYI, we exchanged numbers. :)

Jezz was the first to show up at Macy’s. I got thrilled when I saw her coz the last time that we saw each other was in the Philippines more than a year ago. She was all dressed up (according to her, she prepared every detail of what she was about to wear) while I was all tired and messed up and not to mention, wearing flats. Aris followed shortly and the next thing we know is that we were on a joy ride to Burbank to have dinner somewhere near Bob Hope Airport.

We ate at Subway where we had a quickie dinner coz it was almost time for me to go. We took some pictures but was not so successful with it so we ended up making a pact that I will come back again really soon. They dropped me off the airport and shortly, I was already flying back home. That was at 8:15pm.

When I got home, I just changed my clothes, brushed my teeth and barely noticed what time I went to bed. All I knew that I was tired with so much travel, talking and walking. My head & body were aching that I needed to rest. And my feet couldn’t agree more.

And before I closed my eyes, I swore to myself that I’m not going to do this again! Hehe :)

meet my buddy…:)

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This is CHOW MIEN. He is my only companion in my room. He witnessed all my tears and heard all my laughters. He makes his presence felt simply by not making me sleep at night (FYI, hamsters are nocturnal). I was cleaning his cage when I took this picture. Isn’t he the cutest?!

I’m not squeezing him here, ok?!  LOL.

2-minute post

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Its 4:28 and I only have 2 mins. left before going home. I just want to say that I’m still depressed. And YES, I miss Ken so much. We haven’t seen each other for more than a month now. Who knows if we’ll still see each other again. *Sigh*

Days seem so long now coz of the Daylights Saving Time. It seems to get even longer now that I’m feeling blue.

Miss you Ken. Hope you’re reading this (though I know you don’t) :(

Time to go home now….

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